Diagnosis

How do you qualify a mental disorder?

 

I’m disordered, perfectionist

I’m perfect

I’m me

Me:

Mental.

Disordered?

 

How do you tell an eight-year-old

she doesn’t need to color-code

her vocab words

in blues and grays

in orderly,

disorder?

“A+: nice work”?

Nice work.

By her.

By it?

Disorder?

 

How do you tell a college runner

to consume the sugar salve,

a creamy ballet on her berry mix,

a sinful bride?

To marry the sweet,

the brain-sap crash,

the puffed belly

the sleepy flesh,

or carefree, serene,

disorder?

 

She’s ordered:

almonds and boiled eggs,

to fuel taught skin,

sunrise-bronzed.

An alarm,

a rhythm:

sweat, fuel, breathe,

control the order

to control disorder.

 

 

Tell her she’ll still write the thesis

before it’s due,

 

But October 14th is a busy week,

just two weeks,

the outline,

her emails,

sources scaled in thematic,

alphabetic,

allegoric,

order.

A Phi Beta Kappa disorder.

 

Tell her she’d still hang the plaque,

wear the ribbon,

if she never packed the smoothie

the night before

her morning crunch, stretch,

print copies,

pack date-nut balls, homemade:

(protein: 20 grams),

snack for 3PM

highlight paper (just 1/4)

attend lecture,

scribble notes,

email internship, LinkedIn,

eat banana (pottasium),

soapy Nalgene, rinse,

early to practice,

what’s for dinner?

Mix with grain, full protein

(whole grains: 10 grams),

leave library, 11:00 PM,

soak oats. Which seeds?

Lavender oil. Sleep, sleep,

fan, white noise, eight hours

to keep the order,

life in order.

Is that disorder?

 

One or two:

person or disorder?

What’s her name without disorder?

What’s her name without her order?

Life in skyward order,

all leader’s lives in order.

They all must have disorders.

 

 

 

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